How to be an LGBTQIA+ ally

With worrying numbers of LGBTQIA+ workers facing conflict in the workplace, it’s down to us all to help create a more inclusive culture through educating ourselves about the challenges faced by LGBTQIA+ professionals, understanding the impact of our actions, and being an ally – Jude Noro, policy officer at CIWEM, explains how.

Despite best intentions, it’s not uncommon for people to get tripped up by the LGBTQIA+ acronym. The “LGB” part is mainly alright nowadays, but the other letters can cause trouble. Misinformation and misunderstanding can lead to confusion and, in some cases, tension, which if not addressed can lead to hurtful behaviour or, in the most extreme circumstances, verbal or physical violence. It’s deeply concerning to consider that 40 per cent of LGB+ and 55 per cent of trans workers have experienced conflict at work, according to research carried out by CIPD, the professional body for HR, in 2021.

To celebrate Pride this past June, CIWEM hosted a webinar centred on LGBTQIA+ inclusion at work, hosted by Lea Nightingale, Equality, Diversity and Inclusion (EDI) Engagement Officer at CIEEM, and Jude Noro, Policy Officer at CIWEM (watch the recording here). It aimed to bring everyone in attendance, regardless of their previous level of knowledge, enough understanding and tools to help LGBTQIA+ employees, colleagues and clients to feel safe, comfortable and free to be their best selves in the workplace.

Fortunately gender and sexuality, though emotionally charged for some, are not actually all that complicated – something the webinar aimed to highlight. In the first few minutes of the event we discussed the various definitions, so that everyone understood what we were talking about, and could engage in a discussion on making our places of work welcoming to all.

Language matters

Lea’s first piece of advice is to turn the word ‘ally’ from noun to verb. This means going from awareness and listening to effecting change and understanding the impact of our actions. At work, a big part of the change we can enact is through our discussions. Our language matters, the way we talk to and about others revealing our biases, both conscious and unconscious and sometimes, unfortunately, our judgment of a person and their identity.

At the most basic level, using neutral language when asking people about their partner or spouse ensures we are not making assumptions, and allows them to choose how much information they give in exchange. It’s a lot easier to talk about your same sex partner if you are not burdened with having to correct a mistaken assumption before you even begin.

Later on in the event, we talked about pronouns and misgendering. With transgender identities being used as a culture war item by some politicians, people can feel wary of wading into the topic of gender. This means that they are less likely to engage with resources to understand it better, and less likely to create the space for discussions around pronouns and preferred names.

But I’ve got some good news for you on this front: pronouns are not actually all that difficult. You might not realise it but you naturally – and perfectly comfortably – correct your own gender assumptions and switch to the right pronouns all the time. For example, you’re sitting next to someone on the bus with a baby on their lap. ‘She’s so cute!’ you say. ‘It’s a he,’ the person replies. You call the chaotic orange cat of your sister 'Sweet Potato', whether you think it fits him or not. It is actually…not very difficult.

These sorts of gender confusion interactions don’t give us any pause, and nor should any you experience regarding gender in the workplace. If you make a mistake by accidentally using the wrong pronoun for a colleague or client, just correct yourself, apologise and move on. People don’t tend to want to derail a conversation just because you misspoke, as long as you didn’t do it in bad faith.

Show your support

If there was one message we could all take away from last summer’s webinar, it’s how much it matters to LGBTQIA+ people to have good allies. For me, having a colleague that was forthcoming about supporting CIWEM’s LGBTQIA+ network WEM Pride meant I could be open about my identity, and have someone to turn to when I needed support with coming out at work. It created a safe bubble for me to start mentioning it to other colleagues, until I felt ready to change my name and pronouns publicly.

I can only encourage you to be that person for someone that might work in your team, on your office floor or on a project in common. Be it through making a supportive comment, wearing a pin badge, adding your pronouns your email signature or, if you’re like this HR person I once met, a Pride Lego construction on your desk, being a visible ally can make a real difference in bringing about culture change that will benefit us all.

Find out more about CIWEM’s work around inclusive professional spaces here, and join the CIWEM Pride LinkedIn group here

Author:

Jude Noro is policy officer at CIWEM.